I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
