is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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