Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
