somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
