so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
