there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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