My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
