Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
