Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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