i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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