I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
