how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
