i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
