So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
