Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
