Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize