My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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