i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
