so that wasnt chicken after all
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
