You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
