I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
