saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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