What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
