There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
