There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
