I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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