My liver just broke up with me...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
