are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize