Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
