just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
