remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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