There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
