just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
