I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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