Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
