you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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