Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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