I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
