I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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