I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
