what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
