Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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