then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
