i would punch a child for taco bell
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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