my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
