I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
