you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
