Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
