sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
