One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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