I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
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I think I sprained my soul last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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