so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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