HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
