I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
