clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
