I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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