Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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