my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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