i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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