If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
