hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
