wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
