I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
