Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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