You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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