There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
sarcasm needs its own font
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
