I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
