Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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