fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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