Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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