I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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