Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
