so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
