i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
