how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
