im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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