I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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