I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
