where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
